We regret to inform you that pop impresario, and presenter of ‘Britain Has No Talent”, Simon Cowell will NOT be hosting the UK Vapefest Raffle. This is apparently due to a “conflict of engagements”.

The badger-haired, high-waisted hipster recently traded his 40-a-day habit for vaping…

Favourite device?
A Massive eGo!

Favourite juice?
18mg PG “Shattered Dreams of Deluded Showbiz Wannabees”!

After not talking to his people, we are reliably informed that the former Sinitta-Shagger has “other plans” for the 17th of August and will therefore not be able to attend…